Satire Saturday: An Ode To Stretchable Underwear

I was thinking: "underwear plays a major part in my health." The stretchier the underwear, the less cramping I suffer. The tighter the underwear, the more pain I receive.

This is when I thought of a great idea. "How about an ode to stretchable underwear!"

Also, I decided that each Saturday would be called "Satire Saturday." This seemed like a good way to start the series off...

You can write and respond to this entry with a satire of your own. Make sure you say "thank you" when it's done. We have to know when you're finished with your marvelous writing.

With that said, I present to you the first Satire Saturday.

WARNING: It gets pretty emotional at times, so children under the age of ten should not read this. Thank you.

An Ode to Stretchable Underwear

Alas!
An underwear that is stretchable
Oh how I love stretchablitity!
Too bad that's not a word
'cause if it was
it would be the perfect adjective
to describe my feelings. 

The comfortable,
relaxing,
awestruck
wonder this particular type
of underwear give me
is more than
words can describe.
Unless,
of course,
you have a vast vocabulary,
and you just want
to be
pedantic. 

Was saying
pedantic
being too pedantic?
That's for you to decide.

But we're off
topic.
So let's get back on.
Shall we?

Alack!
The sorrow I receive when
a pair of
Fruit of the Loom
underwear appears.
After all,
they are the most
tight underwear ever invented.

Boxer creators!
They are geniuses!
Because of them
I have
freedom of stretch!
Without them
I would be lying on the floor
in agony
wishing to die
a more humane death. 

Thank you.